I realize that for the past week that when I step outside any buildings it always seem to rain on me!!! Eventhough I am wearing a raincoat of an umbrella it NEVER fails to rain on me. Sometimes I'm not sure if the weather is having something against me for a particular reason or it's just pitying me of my current state of troubled emotions and is trying to wash away my troubles. I like to think of it that perception. It kinds of gives me a comfortable feeling that the world is trying to soothe the aching in my heart.
Today was my first day at the Operating theatre. I didn't expect much from it from the first day at all. I am hopeful that tomorrow will be a better day. :) I wouldn't mind that it would rain again also. Sometimes I have this desire to just let the rain fall on me and let it just drench me. I would feel every drop of rain fall on my skin and let it flow down from my face, body and to my feet. The rain will wet my clothes and I could feel the numbness coming to my body when hard times and troubles come by.
I did that a couple of times actually and it actually works for me. It helps too when you want to cry and don't want to show it to anyone so if you just stand in the heavy rain and let it drench you, the tears that falls from the eyes would be mistaken as rain drops. I would not recommend it as you might come with pneumonia and flu the next day (XD) but I enjoy the feeling. The heavy rain help numb you from all the pain and troubles that is hurting inside of you, especially the heart. Maybe I like the rain, dropping down, soothing and refreshing. Or it just could be that since I haven't found my ashke yet, I would have to make do with sharing and letting the pain be washed away by the rain.
The cooling wind that is accompanied by the rain feels like a hug sometimes to me. Although it is cold, I can stand letting the wind wrap around me like a warm blanket, soothing me, murmuring whispers of encouragement and comfort to me to just let it go promising a better day tomorrow. The coldness feel natural to me and I would just smile sometimes when I can hear or feel the wind brushing through the trees. When I see a puddle of rain, I just love to stomp or jump in it, (if I'm not wearing expensive shoes) and let the water wet my feet.
Although many people are worried of my well-being? as some would say, I would just laugh and say I am fine. I would hate people worrying over something so trivial compared to the events and stuff they had to overcome in the past few months. Some of them found their other halves, some still searching, and some happily contended of where they are now. I wouldn't say which category I am but for now I am contended with what I have for now, lovable, awesome friends who always encourage that I am better than how I think I am and have a need for me when they are in need of advise and help.
I just like doing and buying stuff for people I care about.
I have no idea why. My mother would always worry saying I never buy anything for myself as I always buy gifts for my family and friends. I would laugh and say "I like buying stuff and presents for you. It's how I show my affection and love for you. Why not?"
:D
So if anyone needs a listening ear, shoulder or maybe just a presence there to comfort you in times of need, don't be hesitant to call. If I can help within means, I can promise you
I WILL.
